manbehindthecurtain

I don’t think that I am either agoraphobic or claustraphobic. Wide open spaces do not bother me too much, and I am rather fond of smaller, snugger, areas. The problem is whether these places have people in them or not. If so, then I desperately need to hide. It isn’t that I want to keep myself away from the rest of humanity for all time- the problem is that there’s just too many of them, causing me to feel frightened and unsure of myself. I’d find it so much easier in these situations if there was at least a corner where I could retreat to. I could use such a corner as a sort of anchor, keeping me feeling somewhat stabler and more secure.

There’s something wonderful about the secrecy of a hding-place; you feel totally safe, unable to be found by any unless you wish them to. Something flimsy becomes an impenetrable Fortress of Solitude where you may stay as long as you please. I am always trying to create somewhere like that for myself. I want to weave myself a cocoon, where inside it is warm and dark and nothing could ever harm me.

I don’t see anything wrong in wishing for this, since for the most part I feel almost completely naked and vulnerable around others, unless they’re people I know and like. I suppose this is part of the appeal of hugging. For one brief moment, you and another are creating an almost hidden place together, inside of one another. And thankfully, the memories of those moments always stay.